starting over; re-thinking, re-living.

I started finding out about blogs when I was eleven years old, fourteen years ago. A classmate introduced it to me one time at a computer lab in primary school. Ever since then, I started reading blogs religiously, reading update from those bloggers I followed. The bloggers at that time were the influencers of their time. I still followed some of their account on different social medias now, most of them are now mommy-fluencers! How time flies.

During that time, I dreamed of becoming just like them, going places and sharing interesting stories while also being a university student. But when I started writing on my own blogs, I was barely thirteen, I got no interesting or even fresh ideas to share. I don't have any niche stories. So I posted what they usually posted, recipes and fashion tutorials. However, I wasn't so dedicated to that, it doesn't feel real, none of my friends at secondary school could relate to me (which I get them, we're supposed to study, not being on the computers so much hehe :p) so I always thought, oh I can't wait to be an adult so I could do all these things.

Well, I'm 25 years old now. I have experienced many things, graduated from the university, work life & unemployment again after resigning recently. But there's one thing I forget. I forget that I once dreamed of being an adult, I am now, but do I absolutely living it to the fullest? Or dwell again due to things I do not (yet) achieve? yes and no.

In the span of one year after graduating, I learned the biggest lesson in my life which is letting god. I'm sure at one point in our life people would advise us to trust and let Allah do the rest for us after making a prayer. And here comes the question, do we really? For me, I was not quite, others perception affects me too much. However, I'm a different person now. I fully grasped the understanding of letting god.

It comes with a price I'm willing to pay. So now, I'm going to appreciate what I have around me. More importantly, to not rush myself. Which I find it the hardest because growing up, I like to make a plan, for years ahead. But now I know that my timing and His timing is not the same, and He is indeed the best planner. I am at peace with myself now knowing I put my life hundred percent in His care, not just blindly, but while also upgrading my knowledge about it too.

So, as this year move towards the end of December, I'm not leaving the year as it is. I will be carrying all the lessons I have learned together with me into 2026.

And for all the years I have lived on auto-pilot, I promise I will relive them back and write bits of everything here,

For my thirteen-year-old me.