thomas and his friends (adult's version)

Every 31st December each year starting in 2021, I dedicated this day to write the recap of the year in words. I realized I have been living life on fast mode so perhaps with this little initiative I am able to pause and ponder on what I have achieved so far and how far life has shaped me as a person. From 2021 until 2024, I wrote in my little journal. But this year I want to give this honour to my blog. Because blogging have been a part of me since 2013, but I guess life took me a different turn for a while but I'm back.

Mid year through 2025, I had the opportunity to start my first ever adult job as a Junior Editor. I have longed for that position for a while now, and I enjoyed every bits of the experience be it good or bad. However, even I couldn't predict that December 2nd the same year was my last day. It was not an easy decision for me, but I didn't decide it alone. Safe to say, I'm not afraid of the decision or even regretted it.

So what's the correlation with the integrated transit map? I worked in Klang Valley, so every weekend if I could, I prefer the train, and lucky enough the house I rented was just 5 minutes away from an MRT station. Hence I got the opportunity to fully utilize it to explore the city center. 

Let's get to the point though...It's approaching midnight hahaha

You know, the transit map is so integrated right, connecting different mode of transportations. For example, if I'm taking the Green line, I can exchange it at a specific station and hop on the Yellow line next. Before I knew it I can also hop on to the Orange. And wherever you go in that map, you can always find a way back again, somehow, some way.

While you're riding the train, you're also obviously not alone. There's gonna be others around you, but do you have to hop off at the same station as them? No. You have your own destination so why would you? Right...to each their own.

Sometimes the train's not even on time and need to be rescheduled. Sometimes the approaching train is not the correct coach for you to get in. Sometimes the train needs to be sent back to the depot. But above all that, the trains keep on running even there are hiccups, carrying souls that yearns for something only they know. 

More importantly, not all the stations are meant for you to go at the first place.

This is not about trains.

p/s: hey rapidkl tiktok, do you want to collab... lol

starting over; re-thinking, re-living.

I started finding out about blogs when I was eleven years old, fourteen years ago. A classmate introduced it to me one time at a computer lab in primary school. Ever since then, I started reading blogs religiously, reading update from those bloggers I followed. The bloggers at that time were the influencers of their time. I still followed some of their account on different social medias now, most of them are now mommy-fluencers! How time flies.

During that time, I dreamed of becoming just like them, going places and sharing interesting stories while also being a university student. But when I started writing on my own blogs, I was barely thirteen, I got no interesting or even fresh ideas to share. I don't have any niche stories. So I posted what they usually posted, recipes and fashion tutorials. However, I wasn't so dedicated to that, it doesn't feel real, none of my friends at secondary school could relate to me (which I get them, we're supposed to study, not being on the computers so much hehe :p) so I always thought, oh I can't wait to be an adult so I could do all these things.

Well, I'm 25 years old now. I have experienced many things, graduated from the university, work life & unemployment again after resigning recently. But there's one thing I forget. I forget that I once dreamed of being an adult, I am now, but do I absolutely living it to the fullest? Or dwell again due to things I do not (yet) achieve? yes and no.

In the span of one year after graduating, I learned the biggest lesson in my life which is letting god. I'm sure at one point in our life people would advise us to trust and let Allah do the rest for us after making a prayer. And here comes the question, do we really? For me, I was not quite, others perception affects me too much. However, I'm a different person now. I fully grasped the understanding of letting god.

It comes with a price I'm willing to pay. So now, I'm going to appreciate what I have around me. More importantly, to not rush myself. Which I find it the hardest because growing up, I like to make a plan, for years ahead. But now I know that my timing and His timing is not the same, and He is indeed the best planner. I am at peace with myself now knowing I put my life hundred percent in His care, not just blindly, but while also upgrading my knowledge about it too.

So, as this year move towards the end of December, I'm not leaving the year as it is. I will be carrying all the lessons I have learned together with me into 2026.

And for all the years I have lived on auto-pilot, I promise I will relive them back and write bits of everything here,

For my thirteen-year-old me. 

when life gives you lemon, make lemon cake.

 my last post here was when I was 19.

19 year-old me would never guess the life she will partake.

heck, even 25 year-old me in January would never guess it.

It is a journey that I dare say; humbling. But more importantly, full of lessons.

As I stood in darkness tonight, recalling the past encounters, of who I was, many many years ago...

So this year, I learnt to let go of the people and memories that wasn't meant to be.

which is so brave of me, because knowing myself I could never let go of those friendship even when it feels one sided. I keep them still deep in my archive. Locked. 

But I have gotten so good at accepting that not everyone are meant to stay. That it is okay to lose certain people and memories. Because the more I hold on to the rope without even being lifted, the more my hands bleed. So, I let go of the rope and bracing the fall instead. Which isn't so bad, because there's a safety platform waiting for me as I brace for impact.

This journey didn't happened overnight. And most certainly ain't easy too. 

But this year, I truly lived despite what's coming for me. I take it all in. 

I do not know where I stand right now, what stage I am in, all I want to do now is trust. Him.

Let go. Let God. As they say.